Feeling left out?

Do you have this strong feeling of being left out? Or do you feel like you don't belong? Or is yours a feeling of being useless? Like time's passing you by?

Aight, I'll share another true story with you. Mine as I said.

In the last post, I gave you a general overview of failure and my own experience with failure. Okay. In this field of being left out too, I've some story to tell.

I told you already how I missed out of the service year with my colleagues and twice, when I could have met up with them again, it just didnt happen. What comes out of this naturally? Depression. A sense of loss. You could feel a lil inferior to your mates. You might even want to give it all up. You might not want to try anything again. Self pity. The list is endless but this is not the solution.

The one year of waiting to proceed on my service has not been the best one year of my life. I've seen better years. This period feels like I'm just there, not in any employment, I hear news from friends and they share what they're doing. Naturally, I feel very useless and like time's just swooping past me. But I've come to learn one thing too. This is the best time to review my life plans. Oh, wait. Do you have a life plan? Something that kinda guides you as you go along? If you don't, draw one up today. It would really help you. And if you have, if there's an unexpected occurrence somewhere, it is time to review such an occurrence and you plan. Get better! Think better! Don't underestimate ourself. Change your thinking pattern. It isn't easy, yes I know. But you can do it if you set your mind to it.

Get out of that pity party and see the lag as an opportunity for you to avoid mistakes your peers might have made in the 'straight, smooth sailing'.

Starting with realities

I promised to share my real experiences with you. Here they come.

I'll start with my first contact with failure. This came in my University years. I wasn't leading my class from the primary school through the secondary, but I wasn't lagging behind either. Infact, I somehow stood out in my class. Interesting to also note that I got into the university immediately I left the secondary school. All these combined to give me the confidence that I wasn't dumb.

So you can imagine my shock the first time I failed a course in the university. And though I didn't have to repeat the class, I had to take the course again. It was a whole new feeling for me. I had to attend classes with folks that were a class behind me. Okay, being the 'tough' girl that I am, I braved it and retook that course and passed it. But that looked like the gateway to other courses that I had to retake. Somewhere along the line, I kinda got used to it, it didn't bother me anymore but the big one was yet to come!

That was when I failed a course in my final year and I knew that translated into an extra semester. It shook me real hard. I realized my colleagues were leaving me and going off. I had gotten a lot toughened by this time and by the processes I had gone through that I really didn't 'react' to the situation but stood up to it with the hope that I'll meet up with my colleagues after four months at the National Youth Service program. But a bigger surprise was waiting for me. By some error (not on my part), I had to stay back again for another semester! That made it an extra session! I hadn't, in my wildest dreams, imagined this possible. Okay, so I had to face it. By the time I'm leaving school finally, my colleagues would have just 2months to complete the Youth service scheme. That meant that I was a full year behind them!

It's interesting to read this now. But I tell you, the process wasn't palatable at all. I didn't add that by the time I was taking the second semester extra, I was taking the course with my younger brother who had never at anytime met up with me academically till this time. You can only imagine the psychological effect. It was at this same university time that a lecturer told me I was topping my class. In essence, there was no logical reason for me to have failed at all.

I have taken time to share this with you because I don't know what failure you might have faced. It might not be academically, it might be financially, business wise, family wise (oh, do I have a story here), whatever. Just know that you may fail, but you're not a failure. When you give in to the thought or feeling of being a failure, that's when you've actually failed. I'll like to say this also, when your emotions are pent up at these low times, if you feel like crying, please do, if it's screaming, do it. Just let out the emotions, don't get them piled up. And one day, you'll be encouraging others with your story. Only when you dare and choose to live it out!

When life deals the lemons

What do you do when you expect to be dealt oranges and you get lemons instead?

Brood?

Loose interest?

Cry?

Get into a foul mood?

Try to rally sympathy?

Drink yourself to stupor?

Eat impulsively?

Get addicted to stuff?

Get hung on drugs?

These and many more are options people take when they don't get what they expect from others, friends, life itself, family or someone they have looked up to for something. But I like to tell you that these options are the 'wrongest' (permit that grammatical use) options. When you get struck down, you shouldn't be downcast. The general thing we're told is 'Take the lemon life has thrown at you and make lemonade', that's very true.

When you get downcast, it becomes difficult for you to get up and rethink and get yourself together and back on your feet. Your vision gets blurred and bleary. Your passion is watered down and you could just move from worse to worst. Now, this isn't just theory, I'm adding something new to this page. Real life experiences. I'll share my experiences with you, starting from the next post. Who knows, could just meet your present need.

Friends are Friends

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

I came across this chorus from the song by Micheal W. Smith. Its' title is actually 'Friends are Friends' and then I got thinking. Who really is a friend? Yeah, friends should really be forever! But before they are forever, what constitutes their friendship?

Is friendship about convenience?
Is it about nice fronts?
Is it about faking realities?
Is it about not just wanting to appear heartless to the other?

Or,

Is it about being ourselves?
Is it about understanding our silences and noises?
Is it about speaking the truth in love?
Is it about . . .

What exactly is friendship about?
Do you choose your friends or are they stuck down your throat? Do you have to continue to stick a person you just aren't connecting with anymore?

I would love responses.

How thankful are you?

This isn't originally mine. Someone sent it to me and I want to share it. How well we pass everyday things that remind us how complete we are and how good God is. Add to the list.
NB: The original author is given the credit.

I am Thankful:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

It's another Sunday morning!

Whao! It's another Sunday morning. Was it this time two Sundays ago I put something up last? Hard to believe. The first Sunday post was on God's creation, and this post too is...wait a minute, what isnt God's creation? Directly or indirectly?

Moving from the flowers, butterflies, grasses, animals, to humans. Of course, we all know that God created us. But somethings bothers me about us. Why do we just sit around and let who we really are (positive) decay off inside of us. I sampled two people. Both are not what you'll call extroverts. But while I watched over the years and one worked on the quater extrovert that was in him, the other just sat in the shadows, getting sad at himself, life, things and people around him. He just got sulky. Now I look at both guys. I see the first guy attaining his goal inspite of his weaknesses. He has realised that he could get very timid and has worked on it, not negatively though, to strengthen the 'weak positive' side of him. Actually, he has made a lot of headway ahead of the other guy. I can measure that cuz they both have very similar conditions. I fear for guy 2 cuz I see him continuing to blame others for his mistakes and continuing to sit right there on the same spot and never getting anything done.

Friend, God has put a lot into you. Look inward, polish yourself and attain you utmost. What's the essence if you 'horde' all that you ought to utilize for the betterment of mankind and to add value to yourself and die really smelly on the inside? The rot of what you have inside of you would really be stinky, don't you think? Stand up! Take the bull by the horns and face life. Be a better you. No one would hold it against you.

Whoever said you can't be better?

A shoulder to lean on

How many times do we suffer in silence and really wished there was someone around the corner who could just offer their shoulders for us to cry into or lean on? Are shoulders that scarce? Is it that difficult to get a willing shoulder?

Ever thought of being a shoulder, ready for someone to use? A willing support to someone in their trying times?

Short post but I was just thinking. I recently had a very willing and I dare say strong shoulder to lean on and was it great help? This is actually a dedication to a great friend. Do you have experiences to share of being a shoulder or gaining a shoulder? WHy don't you share so we can all learn from you. Waiting for you.

Take your destiny in your hands!

I should have done this about a week ago but I just couldn't sign in to blogger. Now I get the chance, I'm blogging away!

It's no longer news that OAU Ife is presently under locks. Why? The answer is painfully real. Some hooligans were allowed to hijack the academic calendar. Less than 10 people disrupting the life of over 25,000 students! It's unthinkable! The school had started exams but these fellows wouldn't just allow it hold smoothly. And the generality of the students were being held hostage in their halls of residence. They were threatned and attacked with dangerous weapons. And like sheep, they ran helter skelter the university premises till things got of hand and management had to close the school not after mobile policemen had been deployed to help maintain peace.

The part of this all that annoys me is that a body of active, healthy students have resigne their destiny to thugs. Why? Why would we continue to keep quiet under oppression? Agreed, those guys had dangerous weapons but they are not as many as the unarmed! They didnt have guns. The best they could do was throw stones or bottles or sticks. Yes, they could wound people but when will we ever get what's right if we all continue to cow? I may be the only one who's following this line of thought but I believe oppression cannot be fought with silence. Neither can it be fought with violence but by the oppressed to reject it and be ready to sacrifice to attain their freedom. And I believe politics should be played with sense.

What do you think?

We are the World!

I watch, have been watching with keen interest the events all culminating in the general elections in April in Nigeria. Really, it all looks like a drama or movie script. Old men who ought to sit back and hand over their 'good work' to the generation behind them are struggling and killing themselves over this 'national cake' that they have been eating and choking on for God knows how long ago.

And we, we, what have we been doing? Looking at them, watching them perform all their stunts now. Let them help sanitize the top, and exit it however they want to do it. We the youth are waiting, patiently, bidding our time and watching for the right time to launch into the mainstream.

Fearlessly we wait and watch, bravely we prepare and honestly we gird ourselves, ready to serve! We are the world!

Nollywood? Hollywood?

Tonight, I was talking with a new acquaintance and we dwelt majorly on Nollywood in comparison to Hollywood and Bollywood and I was disheartened at the way the guy talked. He blamed the 'poor' quality of Nollywood films on different people. First he said it was the producers, then the script writers, then the viewers themselves and finally the government or leadership as he put it.

Wait na, why is it that we always blame other people when problems arise? WHy don't we look inwards? Why must someone or some institution always be responsible for our problems? This person in question watches more of Hollywood to Nollywood o and he complains about an industry he's lost touch with o. When will we begin to see the Nigerian situation as ours? By the way, this fellow says he believes in the New Nigeria, yet he stocks Hollywood films. I'm not against Hollywood but when someone praises it above Nollywood, a Nigerian for that matter, it touches my Nigerian heart.

Whether in politics, entertainment, religion, sports, whatever...let us all as Nigerians take respponsibility for our shortcomings and together lift up our country. Her success is our success and her failure is our failure.

Arise O compatriots!

If you can wait

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

Many times we get to react to things that have happenend to us before or is/are happening to us. How do we explain this? Many times we give up a minute too early and wished we never tired of waiting. Just that second of making the decision to go, and we actually let go of our 'dreams'.

What about retaliating? Someone has caused me pain, therefore, I should cause another pain. Seriously hurt? Must the whole world bear the brunt? In all of this, do you brood and carry the world on your head? Do you pay attention to what you say? Do you take time to season your words with salt? Do you want to come out the wiser for all you might have been through?

Sayings

These are some sayings about children. Spare a thought for each. Deep thought.

'You cannot teach a child to take care of himself unless you will let him try to take care of himself. He will make mistakes; and out of these mistakes will come his wisdom.'
- Henry Ward Beecher

'Perhaps we cannot prevent this world from being a world in which children are tortured. But we can reduce the number of tortured children.'
- Albert Camus

'When children sound silly, you will always find that it is in imitation of their elders.'
- Ernest Dimnet

'Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude.'
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

'To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter. Sons have spirits of higher pitch, but less inclined to sweet, endearing fondness.'
- Euripides

'In praising or loving a child, we love and praise not that which is, but that which we hope for.'
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

'Children generally hate to be idle. All the care then should be, that their busy humor should be constantly employed in something that is of use to them.'
- John Locke

'Children have more need of models than of critics.'
- Joseph Joubert

'Give me a child for the first seven years, and you may do what you like with him afterwards.'
- Anon

'I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.'
- Harry S. Truman

'I do not love him because he is good, but because he is my little child.'
- Rabindranath Tagore

'A child tells in the street what his father and mother say at home.'
- The Talmud

'A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure.'
- Martin Farquhar Tupper

The next two

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:

How many times do we release our dreams go past us just because it looks like no one believes in us? There are times we could actually be sincerely wrong but there just has to be that element of trust in the self. YOU JUST GAT TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Don't be tossed about like a flimsy film, stand your ground and make your mistakes, learn from them however and remember that no one got 'there' in a day. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, you'll just have learnt new ways not to do what you did wrong.

First two lines

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

Let's take it from here. How many times do we blame others for our wrong actions? How many times do we blame the crowd for things we did? How long will teenagers continue to lose their heads and blame it on peer pressure? When will husbands stop gambling and squandering precious family money and blaming it on moods or such flimsy excuses? When will we all hold our heads and stop blaming others for the loss of ours?

Budding

A happy new year to you. How was the past year? And plans for the new? Make good your plans.

Ever considered a plant bud? Have you looked at it closely? Do you see how unattractive and unpromising it looks at that stage? I rememeber that as a kid, my friends and I would pluck the bud off the plant and open it up. I guess we thought it was a kind of flower (which really it was) but were disappointed when we opened it up and it contained a couple of shrivelled petals. It just didnt look like a flower. But we would notice a new flower and wanted to be the first to pluck it and put in our hair. It never once crossed our minds that if we had allowed, left that bud to blossom, we wouldn't be scrambling for just one flower, there would have been at least one extra!

The meaning of my rantings? Look at it this way. Every child you see on the road is a bud waiting to blossom. Some are plucked away by death, bad company, family breakup, wars, epidemics, name them and others 'escape' these factors and blossom. After they open up their beauty (maybe graduating with a very beautiful class of grade), the very society that almost plucked them in their prime scramble for them, dangling enticing offers in their faces. Each company wants to show off the wealth they possess in human resources.

What brought about these? I happened to have watched the 'Change a life scheme show' on New Dawn (www.newdawnwithfunmi.com) and was so touched by the changes that have occurred in the lives of those kids whom Funmi Iyanda and Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu have jointly helped to get out of choky situations and I almost cried. These kids appeared to me as buds which are being preserved by some people who have seen the potentials in them to turn out to be beautiful bunches. God bless Funmi and preserve her own 'Bud' for her to blossom well and beautifully.

Resolutions? Well, it's good to make them but instead of remaking resolutions that are over 5 years old, why not change your 'resolution' this year to include fighting for the rights of these buds and adding to the beauty of the society. Desist from child traffiking, abhor child labour and all such 'bud threatnening' acts. See the beauty in these ones and give them a chance to grow.

'I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let then lead the way
Show them all the beauty they posses inside
Give them a sense of pride, to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be'.

Christmas is made!

Tonight, something beautiful happened to me! And to this blog! I got my account information mixed up somehow and from the time of the last post till now, I've not been happy with myself. I just could not get into my dashboard but after a lot of trouble shooting tonight, I got in! Glad am I? That makes christmas for me and to you, I say, have a really swell time.

In the celebration of the season, I plead that you remember Nigeria in your prayers so that next year christmas, we'll have better and sweeter stories to share on our democracy - democracy transition.

God bless Naija!

Add a smile

I'm smiling all the way now. Really. What would have been a really dull and boring evening for me was turned around by a very wonderful soul who chose to respond to the call of a soul.

I had asked this friend of mine (sorry, I can't name him cuz I didn't ask for the permission to do so) if I could visit him to brighten up my evening. Instead of telling me to come over, he came over to my place and took me out.

Take a pause here, apart from the 'going out' and its' attendant pleasures, I thought how beautiful the world would be with such more wonderful souls out there adding a smile to someone's face and removing the blue from our days. Will you dare to be the answer to someone's prayer today?

On the plough

This afternoon, I ran into a friend who told me he had seen my blog and he liked it. But he said I should upgrade more often. Now, that said a lot to me. It told me people look out for you when you set out to do something. It may not mean anything to you but people are watching and I dare say, waiting for you. They wait to see if you're improving or not and to criticize you either destructively or constructively. The choice is yours to pick the one you want. I didn't really have to time for a post today but remembering what my friend said, I had to do this. It was a big challenge and I hereby promise him, my visitors and myself that this blog will never grow cobwebs.

A little secret here. My friend has a blog too and I just checked date of his last post. Guess what, it is Monday, November 6! I hereby challenge you ... oops! I almost mentioned his name. Keep that page fresh and hot.