Feeling left out?

Do you have this strong feeling of being left out? Or do you feel like you don't belong? Or is yours a feeling of being useless? Like time's passing you by?

Aight, I'll share another true story with you. Mine as I said.

In the last post, I gave you a general overview of failure and my own experience with failure. Okay. In this field of being left out too, I've some story to tell.

I told you already how I missed out of the service year with my colleagues and twice, when I could have met up with them again, it just didnt happen. What comes out of this naturally? Depression. A sense of loss. You could feel a lil inferior to your mates. You might even want to give it all up. You might not want to try anything again. Self pity. The list is endless but this is not the solution.

The one year of waiting to proceed on my service has not been the best one year of my life. I've seen better years. This period feels like I'm just there, not in any employment, I hear news from friends and they share what they're doing. Naturally, I feel very useless and like time's just swooping past me. But I've come to learn one thing too. This is the best time to review my life plans. Oh, wait. Do you have a life plan? Something that kinda guides you as you go along? If you don't, draw one up today. It would really help you. And if you have, if there's an unexpected occurrence somewhere, it is time to review such an occurrence and you plan. Get better! Think better! Don't underestimate ourself. Change your thinking pattern. It isn't easy, yes I know. But you can do it if you set your mind to it.

Get out of that pity party and see the lag as an opportunity for you to avoid mistakes your peers might have made in the 'straight, smooth sailing'.

Starting with realities

I promised to share my real experiences with you. Here they come.

I'll start with my first contact with failure. This came in my University years. I wasn't leading my class from the primary school through the secondary, but I wasn't lagging behind either. Infact, I somehow stood out in my class. Interesting to also note that I got into the university immediately I left the secondary school. All these combined to give me the confidence that I wasn't dumb.

So you can imagine my shock the first time I failed a course in the university. And though I didn't have to repeat the class, I had to take the course again. It was a whole new feeling for me. I had to attend classes with folks that were a class behind me. Okay, being the 'tough' girl that I am, I braved it and retook that course and passed it. But that looked like the gateway to other courses that I had to retake. Somewhere along the line, I kinda got used to it, it didn't bother me anymore but the big one was yet to come!

That was when I failed a course in my final year and I knew that translated into an extra semester. It shook me real hard. I realized my colleagues were leaving me and going off. I had gotten a lot toughened by this time and by the processes I had gone through that I really didn't 'react' to the situation but stood up to it with the hope that I'll meet up with my colleagues after four months at the National Youth Service program. But a bigger surprise was waiting for me. By some error (not on my part), I had to stay back again for another semester! That made it an extra session! I hadn't, in my wildest dreams, imagined this possible. Okay, so I had to face it. By the time I'm leaving school finally, my colleagues would have just 2months to complete the Youth service scheme. That meant that I was a full year behind them!

It's interesting to read this now. But I tell you, the process wasn't palatable at all. I didn't add that by the time I was taking the second semester extra, I was taking the course with my younger brother who had never at anytime met up with me academically till this time. You can only imagine the psychological effect. It was at this same university time that a lecturer told me I was topping my class. In essence, there was no logical reason for me to have failed at all.

I have taken time to share this with you because I don't know what failure you might have faced. It might not be academically, it might be financially, business wise, family wise (oh, do I have a story here), whatever. Just know that you may fail, but you're not a failure. When you give in to the thought or feeling of being a failure, that's when you've actually failed. I'll like to say this also, when your emotions are pent up at these low times, if you feel like crying, please do, if it's screaming, do it. Just let out the emotions, don't get them piled up. And one day, you'll be encouraging others with your story. Only when you dare and choose to live it out!

When life deals the lemons

What do you do when you expect to be dealt oranges and you get lemons instead?

Brood?

Loose interest?

Cry?

Get into a foul mood?

Try to rally sympathy?

Drink yourself to stupor?

Eat impulsively?

Get addicted to stuff?

Get hung on drugs?

These and many more are options people take when they don't get what they expect from others, friends, life itself, family or someone they have looked up to for something. But I like to tell you that these options are the 'wrongest' (permit that grammatical use) options. When you get struck down, you shouldn't be downcast. The general thing we're told is 'Take the lemon life has thrown at you and make lemonade', that's very true.

When you get downcast, it becomes difficult for you to get up and rethink and get yourself together and back on your feet. Your vision gets blurred and bleary. Your passion is watered down and you could just move from worse to worst. Now, this isn't just theory, I'm adding something new to this page. Real life experiences. I'll share my experiences with you, starting from the next post. Who knows, could just meet your present need.

Friends are Friends

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

I came across this chorus from the song by Micheal W. Smith. Its' title is actually 'Friends are Friends' and then I got thinking. Who really is a friend? Yeah, friends should really be forever! But before they are forever, what constitutes their friendship?

Is friendship about convenience?
Is it about nice fronts?
Is it about faking realities?
Is it about not just wanting to appear heartless to the other?

Or,

Is it about being ourselves?
Is it about understanding our silences and noises?
Is it about speaking the truth in love?
Is it about . . .

What exactly is friendship about?
Do you choose your friends or are they stuck down your throat? Do you have to continue to stick a person you just aren't connecting with anymore?

I would love responses.

Friends are Friends

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

I came across this chorus from the song by Micheal W. Smith. Its' title is actually 'Friends are Friends' and then I got thinking. Who really is a friend? Yeah, friends should really be forever! But before they are forever, what constitutes their friendship?

Is friendship about convenience?
Is it about nice fronts?
Is it about faking realities?
Is it about not just wanting to appear heartless to the other?

Or,

Is it about being ourselves?
Is it about understanding our silences and noises?
Is it about speaking the truth in love?
Is it about . . .

What exactly is friendship about?
Do you choose your friends or are they stuck down your throat? Do you have to continue to stick a person you just aren't connecting with anymore?

I would love responses.

Whispers

Sad, I lost the grphics in this but the message's still clear. Think on this.


A man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang.

But, the man did not hear.


So the man yelled, "God, speak to me" and the thunder rolled across the sky.

But, the man did not listen.


The man looked around and said, "God let me see you." And a star shined brightly.

But the man did not see.

And, the man shouted, "God show me a miracle." And, a life was born.

But, the man did not notice.
So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me God, and let me know you are here." Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away .

and walked on.
I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted ... even in our electronic age.



So I would like to add one more:

The man cried, "God, I need your help!" And an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement.

But, the man deleted it and continued crying
Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.

My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Won't you please pass this to people you want to be blessed.

Have A Happy Day!

How thankful are you?

This isn't originally mine. Someone sent it to me and I want to share it. How well we pass everyday things that remind us how complete we are and how good God is. Add to the list.
NB: The original author is given the credit.

I am Thankful:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

It's another Sunday morning!

Whao! It's another Sunday morning. Was it this time two Sundays ago I put something up last? Hard to believe. The first Sunday post was on God's creation, and this post too is...wait a minute, what isnt God's creation? Directly or indirectly?

Moving from the flowers, butterflies, grasses, animals, to humans. Of course, we all know that God created us. But somethings bothers me about us. Why do we just sit around and let who we really are (positive) decay off inside of us. I sampled two people. Both are not what you'll call extroverts. But while I watched over the years and one worked on the quater extrovert that was in him, the other just sat in the shadows, getting sad at himself, life, things and people around him. He just got sulky. Now I look at both guys. I see the first guy attaining his goal inspite of his weaknesses. He has realised that he could get very timid and has worked on it, not negatively though, to strengthen the 'weak positive' side of him. Actually, he has made a lot of headway ahead of the other guy. I can measure that cuz they both have very similar conditions. I fear for guy 2 cuz I see him continuing to blame others for his mistakes and continuing to sit right there on the same spot and never getting anything done.

Friend, God has put a lot into you. Look inward, polish yourself and attain you utmost. What's the essence if you 'horde' all that you ought to utilize for the betterment of mankind and to add value to yourself and die really smelly on the inside? The rot of what you have inside of you would really be stinky, don't you think? Stand up! Take the bull by the horns and face life. Be a better you. No one would hold it against you.

Whoever said you can't be better?

It's Sunday morning

It's a beautiful Sunday morning. The weather's very fine here. Not sunny and not cloudy, just fine for a nice stroll ruminating on the works of God's hands.

That same serenity drew me to this page. I have to put something up, yeah, sure. What? I'll be back.

How long can you stand?

This picture says something more to me than just a pair of chocks on rocks. It asks me a question; when things don't look the way I want them to, how long can I wait for a complete process? I got talking with a couple of my friends sometime last week and we can to the conclusion that we're in an instant world now. If not, how do we explain instant food, the ATMs, instant pictures, etc? No one wants to go to the banks to queue anymore, food must just get done faster than they naturally should and we don't want to wait again for pictures to go through the camera, film stage, the darkroom, etc.

These things look like making life easier but looking deep into it, we realize that something vital is being taken from our lives everyday. PATIENCE! That's something the average 21st century young person doesn't have. I walk into stores, banks, offices and see the way young people talk at the personell they meet in these places. They just want to have it ASAP! Let's give a thought to the values that are being taken from us with the 'technological advancements' and think of our children and the future generations. WHo'll teach them some of these things if we're losing them ourselves.

I agree that life's been easier but take out the ease, what are we left with? Take time to think today, I hope we won't have robots thinking for us soon.

Just some thoughts.

It's so good to be back!

It feels so great to be back online. For the greater part of 12 weeks, events had so overtaken me that I just couldn't keep up with my cyber space. But today, I can flex my fingers and get back online. To all those who sent comments and messages while I was away, thank you. Your messages are greatly appreciated and to all who kept wondering what had happened to me, I'm glad to be back to allay your worries.

In those weeks, I have learnt new things which I'll share with you. I'm really bursting now to speak but one of the things I learnt during this time was patience and I'll just exercise that now. Yes, as much as I want to talk, I have to take a break, at least today. Tomorrow, we catch up again.

It really feels good too to return today when the black world and indeed the world at large, specifically the IT world celebrates a true and worthy ambassador. 'Gbenga Sesan, happy birthday. This is someone who's touched countless lives, mine inclusive in ways that posterity alone can attempt to recount and repay. Happy birthday Egbon mi.

Changes do occur

I can't believe that I've been gone for over a month without any post. I didnt ever think it could happen but it did. I had to go through some changes that really kept me off the web. I'm not trying to make an excuse here, nah! Infact, I have lost touch with a lot of things online, and a lot of people too!

Now this gets me thinking. How do we adapt to changes in our lives, nations, places of work, families, etc? The elections in Nigeria have just been conducted. A change has occurred. Power is changing hands in 26days and some people are averse to it! There have been a lot of rancour and unnecessary clamour. Come to think of it, why is it so hard to adapt to change? But I think the problem we have is adapting to a change that we think we dont have an immediate benefit from. We want things done our way - selfish aint that? I'll continue on this but I just had to put something new on this page. I'll be back soon.

"SMSes" and Truths

I have a habit of keeping sms that really touch me and I was recently going through some of them again. What struck me as I read those sms again was how true could they be? Some of them came from people I'm not so close to or who I just met once. Let me share some of them with you so you get a picture of what exactly I'm talking about.

Space seems like an empty word, but it's full of Special People Around Caring Endlessly. Thank you for being part of my space.

I do not think much, I do not think often but when I think, I think of you. I don't think anything to think about than you!

Some pictures are kept in the album, others in the haert. Those in the album are thought of when seen, those in the heart will never be forgotten. As long as my heart beats, you're in it.

In my life, I learnt how to love, to smile, to be happy, to be strong, to be faithful, to work hard and to be honest but I can't learn how to stop missing you.

Silence heals, secrets destroy but confessions heal heartache...my greatest confession to you is that... you are a wonderful friend I don't want to lose.

Okay, so I'll stop there. Those are five of my most treasured sms I posted for the world to see! However, as much as I may not wan tto doubt the heart behind them, I still find myself wondering, how much of the truth we tell ourselves in sms. Do you say something electronically and actually mean something less? As much as I'm for brightening up others' days, I'm also for sincerity. How much it'll hurt me to discover that these messages were just picked up from the net or elsewhere and just sent to momentarily make me feel good.

A word: Before you send that sms, check and be sure you're not giving someone false hopes.

A shoulder to lean on

How many times do we suffer in silence and really wished there was someone around the corner who could just offer their shoulders for us to cry into or lean on? Are shoulders that scarce? Is it that difficult to get a willing shoulder?

Ever thought of being a shoulder, ready for someone to use? A willing support to someone in their trying times?

Short post but I was just thinking. I recently had a very willing and I dare say strong shoulder to lean on and was it great help? This is actually a dedication to a great friend. Do you have experiences to share of being a shoulder or gaining a shoulder? WHy don't you share so we can all learn from you. Waiting for you.

'Oju Aye'

I just left the sixtieth birthday fete for Prof. Niyi Osundare. The 'eye of the earth' is 60 and we're rolling out the drums. As a great lover of the arts (poems, music, drama, stage, film, novel, all) I couldn't resist the urge to once again see this great oak. And in his characteristic style, Osundare turned out in his top. None of those shirts and ties (which could be very uncomfortable anyway) for him.

During the speeches and opening talks, a recurring point was the incident this lover of the earth was involved in running to 2 years now - the Katrina. Lives were lost but thank God He preserved the life of this 'youngman' and his wonderful wife. Documents, pictures and all were lost too but we're celebrating his life today. Really, he's a survivour of the earth.

A foundation of sorts was launched where people can send journals, pictures, motion materials, anything at all about, on and for Osundare. There's an effort at starting a virtual library and a physical one at that for this man so there an be better documentation and a kind or resourcing some of the lost memoirs. Visit www.osundare60fete.blogspot.com for more details or mail your materials to osundare60fete@gmail.com and osundare_at60@yahoo.com. Thanks for a being a part of collating great history. This is a time for celebrating our African beauties.

Take your destiny in your hands!

I should have done this about a week ago but I just couldn't sign in to blogger. Now I get the chance, I'm blogging away!

It's no longer news that OAU Ife is presently under locks. Why? The answer is painfully real. Some hooligans were allowed to hijack the academic calendar. Less than 10 people disrupting the life of over 25,000 students! It's unthinkable! The school had started exams but these fellows wouldn't just allow it hold smoothly. And the generality of the students were being held hostage in their halls of residence. They were threatned and attacked with dangerous weapons. And like sheep, they ran helter skelter the university premises till things got of hand and management had to close the school not after mobile policemen had been deployed to help maintain peace.

The part of this all that annoys me is that a body of active, healthy students have resigne their destiny to thugs. Why? Why would we continue to keep quiet under oppression? Agreed, those guys had dangerous weapons but they are not as many as the unarmed! They didnt have guns. The best they could do was throw stones or bottles or sticks. Yes, they could wound people but when will we ever get what's right if we all continue to cow? I may be the only one who's following this line of thought but I believe oppression cannot be fought with silence. Neither can it be fought with violence but by the oppressed to reject it and be ready to sacrifice to attain their freedom. And I believe politics should be played with sense.

What do you think?

We are the World!

I watch, have been watching with keen interest the events all culminating in the general elections in April in Nigeria. Really, it all looks like a drama or movie script. Old men who ought to sit back and hand over their 'good work' to the generation behind them are struggling and killing themselves over this 'national cake' that they have been eating and choking on for God knows how long ago.

And we, we, what have we been doing? Looking at them, watching them perform all their stunts now. Let them help sanitize the top, and exit it however they want to do it. We the youth are waiting, patiently, bidding our time and watching for the right time to launch into the mainstream.

Fearlessly we wait and watch, bravely we prepare and honestly we gird ourselves, ready to serve! We are the world!

St. Valentine

This is really late. It should have been posted on Wednesday but it's okay sha. I want to share this story with you. Ii is St. Valentine's own story as told by him. Enjoy it.

St. Valentine's Story

Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favorite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.

I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!

Nollywood? Hollywood?

Tonight, I was talking with a new acquaintance and we dwelt majorly on Nollywood in comparison to Hollywood and Bollywood and I was disheartened at the way the guy talked. He blamed the 'poor' quality of Nollywood films on different people. First he said it was the producers, then the script writers, then the viewers themselves and finally the government or leadership as he put it.

Wait na, why is it that we always blame other people when problems arise? WHy don't we look inwards? Why must someone or some institution always be responsible for our problems? This person in question watches more of Hollywood to Nollywood o and he complains about an industry he's lost touch with o. When will we begin to see the Nigerian situation as ours? By the way, this fellow says he believes in the New Nigeria, yet he stocks Hollywood films. I'm not against Hollywood but when someone praises it above Nollywood, a Nigerian for that matter, it touches my Nigerian heart.

Whether in politics, entertainment, religion, sports, whatever...let us all as Nigerians take respponsibility for our shortcomings and together lift up our country. Her success is our success and her failure is our failure.

Arise O compatriots!

Dorothy

I got a comment on the Goldman Sachs post. It was interesting reading through it. I would have loved to publish that comment but I feel it's private. I saw it as someone sharing her life with me and I'm a strong addict for keep confidences. I use this medium to ask Dorothy to send another comment with her email address so I can get in touch with her.

Thanks to all those who sent birthday greetings, I appreciate it but the central time was kinda slow. I post that comment past 12 but it appeared as having been sent before 12. Thanks anyway.